When it rains, look for rainbows.

When it is dark, look for stars.

I took a pregnancy test on November 20. I know, tubal ligation = no more babies. But, the test was positive. And, so was the second one. I was mortified! Then, elated. Looking at baby name websites one minute and hyperventilating over age differences the next.

I didn't feel fantastic the following Monday and thought since I was about six and a half weeks along that I better get checked. I called the doctor's office and explained the situation: Tubes tied six years ago, pregnant now. The assistant yelled into the phone, "OH MY G.., That gives me high blood pressure." You and me both!

I was able to schedule an ultrasound and visit for the next day. Tuesday morning the kids and I were up and ready and Dave had just left for work, when a sharp pain started radiating through my abdomen. Debilitating pain. Incapacitating pain. Rilie called Dave and told him he needed to turn around, come home, and take me to the ER.

We had already considered the fact that this might be an ectopic pregnancy, but until the doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was tubal and had ruptured, I had hope.
Now instead of worrying about c-section recovery and Rilie graduating high school when the baby started kindergarten, the fear was for my life. I was bleeding internally. Enough that the urgency and panic in the ob/gyn's voice was clear. Surgery now. I am kind of fuzzy on the details, but it went well (I lived.)

A week later. I am recovering physically. Not as sure emotionally. It is strange how much you can want and love someone you have never met.